Colours

I went to the world's heritage museum in Liverpool last week and was looking at the Colours section. It was saying which is my favourite colour and I was to open the colour window. So apparently that is my personality. A little similar to my personality I guess but why would I want to believe in something like this?

Photoshop-ed

See how cute Brownie was? I really miss Brownie. He is such a cutie. I miss how he used to stand up and look at me, ready to pounce on me when I come to pat him. He will lie on his back and start chewing my fingers when I pat him on the chest. I guess Brownie is not brown after all. He got even more whiter as he grew up. When he was born, he was a bit brown.

Sherp photoshop-ed the photo.

I really feel like hug Brownie and squeezed his ear.

Felt

Went shopping at Brent Cross yesterday. The bus journey there was ok except for the fact that I got so dizzy and nearly vomited. It was such a terrible headache. Now I understand why dad said he felt like that when he took the train/bus/car home. I don't really experience this a lot. I mean, I used to get dizzy if I sit in the bus for too long. Experienced this the first time I was in NZ, I was on my way to the city central and the journey took about 30 minutes. After that, I don't like to go to central city because I would get dizzy and moody when I got there.

I thought I must have got over that mood feeling but now it returned. Mian, how I hate the feeling of getting dizzy. I feel like making myself faint after experiencing it but no, I am strong enough to fight it. Yea, I can. Even I do experience it when I take the tube around central city. I hate it when the train/tube/bus/car accelerate fast and brake hard. One of my friend back in NZ does that and I always get dizzy after coming out from her car.

Mian, will I ever get well from this sickness?

Stupid rants

Last night, I was bored till I decide to browse around looking at blogs. I landed in post-buzz and found the blog quite interesting. I like to know people's opinions on earning money online and also those who has done some sponsored posts from payperpost, sponsored reviews, etc. Anyway, I browse around and found out that the blogger is also from Malaysia.

There's quite a lot of bloggers from Malaysia. Not bad, I mean most of the advertisers from paid blogging sites are from United States and I would assume most of the bloggers out there are from there. But really, I don't think I know where most of the bloggers are from. I think the reason I know more Malaysian bloggers is because I am a Malaysian. My blog life probably revolves around my Malaysian friends. Well, most of my Malaysian friends has a blog. Not all my New Zealander friends has a blog. Maybe they did not tell me. Sigh..

Anyway, I used to praise Payperpost of the opportunities they gave me. Apparently, google lowered bloggers' rank and I am one of them, causing me to have less opportunities. Sigh.
But I shouldn't make sponsored posts my main reason to blog. I started this blog because I love to blog about what I did. Actually, this blog of mine wasn't meant to have sponsored posts. I wanted to release my anger in this blog. But I guess things change and in the end, I decided to try giving sponsored posts a try and I decided that I shouldn't post my anger here. I think a few of my friends read this blog. I think one friend read a post which was about her. Well, I don't regret posting it. I really wanted her to know I think of her. I just didn't have the guts to tell her face to face. Now, I don't really know if anyone is reading this blog or not. Not that I care. I got no comments from anyone. I used to have comments from friends but I ignored it. I didn't feel like replying to their comments because I don't want them to pity me. I just wanted to release my anger. Now, I think I won't put up blog posts like that.

Right, I think I should stop, I have written too much. Only when I have something to say and not ran out of ideas to blog.

Fun

As usual, I am just doing my online-ing rounds when I heard on the news that North of UK has heavy snows. Wow, I really want London to have snow. How I wish to play snow with my cousins. I wish to throw snow at them too. It would have been so fun to throw at them. That is not my real main purpose. I just want to have fun with them, just by walking around in the snow with them, make snowman and throw snowball at them while laughing. Now, isn't that fun?

Sad

Last month, I talked about paid online blogging. How wonderful it is of making money. I think it was jinxed because now I don't get to do a lot of sponsored posts. My cousins told me it's also because google decide to drop blogger's real rank to 0. Sigh.. that makes my cousin boring-er because I don't blog as often. Makes me feel down when blogging. Hmm.. what to do. Don't give up, I will still continue to blog. After all, my real purpose of having this blog is to blog what I want and what I like.

A new year has come. Hmm.. I wonder what this year is going to give me. I hope it's full of faith and hope. Just like ofhopeandlove blog. That blog has wonderful posts which I have always read. It's also full of hope and love hence the name.

Blah

I am back again this time from another trip. Went to Newcastle. Holidays as well. At least I enjoyed myself. Anyway, I guess I was away for too long.

So much things happen to my flatmate. I just hope she is ok. After she texts me that she lost her father, I was in shock. It made me realise that sometimes we take things for granted in life. We enjoyed ourselves too much and did not think of others. I think I do this kind of stuff. Well, it's not that I want to say to people. I just want to say how I think of myself. I think I do enjoy things too much without thinking for others.

So, I should focus on my family while I am at home.

I think I do eat a lot when I am at home. More like twice the amount I ate when I went to other place or either friends' house. Weird.

Also want to say, two cousins of mine has a new domain with their own names. It's just so cool to have one. It made me think of getting one. But really, I don't think I can write nice posts just like them. But I do need to learn. Anyway, I should really focus on doing this kind of stuff in January when I have more time at home.

Yes, I should also spend some quality time at home. Actually, this will be my holiday in London. So yup, I enjoyed every single day I have spent in London. I also lazed around, truly my holiday.

:(

I don’t understand how some people need to go to the beach to calm their emotion. I used to think like that but now, I know it doesn’t really work. I only like to go to the beach just to get the feeling of being sad and stand there with the wind blowing the hair.

Another thing, sometimes I feel as if I cannot express my feelings here even though I called it my dark side and black blog. I feel as if people criticize me for saying all these stuff because they think I should be happy that I am lucky to have a good life. Well, I don't really know what to say because it is what I usually think. But don't you think that everything has its hard path. This is life. It's not going to be easy. Just because rich people or people who can afford things have a good life, it doesn't necessary mean that they really have a good life.

But I am still glad that I can still express a bit of feelings here. I feel that I cannot say anything on the other blog because I have to maintain reputation. Well, I have no comment for that. It is kind of true if I do mess up what I said, I will end up with no friends and lonely for the rest of my life. I don't really mind that though because I think I am expecting that.

Goodbyes are hard

It is sad to say goodbyes to friends who are leaving to go back to Malaysia for the summer. My tears nearly dropped when we hugged and say goodbyes. Some of them will be seeing each other in Malaysia but I will only see them next year when I come back. So sad.

Someone remembers me

Guess what? Someone messaged me in facebook saying that she knows me and asked me if I remember her from primary school. I asked her what class was she in and she messaged back that she was in the yellow class. I was in the green class so her name doesn’t ring any bell in my head. I really cannot remember her. Maybe she knows my cousin and that was why she remembers me.

Jobs

Now I really understand the real working. Well, I never expect to be working perfectly and never do mistake. I am still not going to give up working even if I am making mistake.
Note that I am not quitting my work just because of miscalculation.

Anyway, it's not my fault because missing $10 because I know I did count and take money from customers properly. I was never told to check how much was the change in the cash register before I started. It could be the boss making mistake also. Why must it be me.
Anyway, forget about it.
I am glad that I have had an experience of waitress.
I think I have enough of waitressing job. I think I should concentrate on study from now on.
I want to stop working also because I wanted to spend my time for study.
At least I can have some peace and time for myself and also study.
As long as everyone is happy, I don't mind doing this.
Ok, back to study for my test.

I am hungry

I think I am starting to get sick of asking friends for rides to and back from work. Maybe I should ask different friends instead of asking the same person. And the friend who normally send and pick me up, I think she is feeling annoyed that I always ask her. I can feel the annoyance. Talk about being weird but I can feel people's feelings. I feel that I am desperate to have a car now to drive to work. But I don't want to quit working just because of this. It's a lame excuse and the other staff will be telling me that it is ok and they can send me home. Well, that is one of the reason. I don't want to ask them because they normally stay back later and I don't want. I want to come back, shower and jump into my cosy bed.

I have no mood because of this as well. One thing also is I feel that this friend is annoyed that I don't spend anymore time with her. Well, it's not my fault that you don't ask earlier or book the time. I usually let the first person who ask me to either join them or go with them somewhere. Let me explain again in case you think I explain weirdly. It means that I usually say yes to the first person who 'book' me to do something. If I don't have anything to do on a particular time and a friend, last minute, ask me to do something, I would say yes. Why not.
Sigh.. Now, I realise there is so much to give in a friendship relationship.

Depressing

I am feeling so lazy to study.
I tried forcing myself to study.
And it's so depressing.
My heart feels so heavy as well.
So, a friend asked if I wanted to go for a drive.
And off we went.
After coming back, I am not in the mood to study.
Might sleep early though.
Sigh..
Getting tired of this life.
Feel like giving up.

Pissed

Sigh.. I don't know what to say about some people's mind. Where did it go after all the blogging by me? I was only just saying or sharing some news that I was happy enough to share. Since this is separate to the other one, I will just say it here. I just hate the way people thinks at times. Made me so angry and pissed. I mean, I don't mind people thinking about it but why do you have to say it? Make me so embarrassed. Sien..

*Silence*

I have been inspired by a friend who takes intermediate engineering and still manage to balance her school work and work. Apparently, she found some odd jobs from Student Job Search and did earn a few dollars. Good on her. Because of her, I am trying harder.

We decide that we both will look for jobs together and work to find some pocket money. Not that I really needed. I just want the feeling of getting the money after doing some odd jobs. And I want to be able to balance school work and also social life.

I think Em and I seldom spend the time with the boys now. I am wondering what are they doing. Anyway, they are not free so who cares. I should try to get my 'don't care' attitude back. That way, I don't feel down or depressed when I am not doing something with friends. It's not my fault that they are not free, right?

Well, I should try to finish off my assignments. Then, tomorrow, I will be going to interview with my friend. I shall blog about it tomorrow whether or not did I get the job. Interview doesn't mean that I will certainly get the job. Ok, shall update tomorrow.

Happy

This is not a sponsored post.

I am just blogging about it. I was told that Payperpost can be link to Facebook one morning. So, I log into facebook and link it immediately. Then, I checked if there are any opportunities I can take. I found one so blog about it immediately, result in me being a little late than my usual time. I don't mind as classes doesn't start sharp on time.

Anyway, after a few classes or so, I came back in the afternoon to check my email and found that my post that morning has been approved. That was really fast. Really, facebook and PPP made my day that day. I was so happy. More $$ coming in. :P

Sucks

I think I do feel insecure about friendships. If I don’t catch up with friends, I feel that I will lose touch with them. But, then you can’t catch up or hang out with them daily, you need to have your own space or even do your own thing. Maybe just catch up once every fortnight. Sigh. Isn’t it better to be emotionless? Having emotions sucks. You would think all kinds of things, eg anger, sad, pain, happy. I mean I don’t mind having happy feelings but it sucks to have sad or anger emotions.

More Problems

Messiness again. I went to the kitchen to find the plates, woks and pans etc in a big mess. Why can't they keep the stuff away when it's all dry? Why leave it there to when there is space in the cupboard to put? Where can you put the rest of the plates after you washed? AAAHH.. I just feel like straggling these flatmates. I hate living in Ilam with people who are not tidy and clean. I am so looking forward to move out.

Friend A

I feel kind of very sorry for this friend of mine. I'll name this friend A and refer as him as to protect the identity.

Anyway, he doesn't know that whenever he talks, he speaks quite rudely. I've been watching him when he talks to people. One time, I followed him to the travel agent centre to book his tickets to go back to Malaysia. I was listening to them talking, the travel agent kept asking the same question and he kept giving different answers, each time asking what the travel agent was talking about. I do understand that some travel agent can be really rude but in this case, it's the friend's problem. He did not understand her at all.

I also watched him talking to other people, the way he phrased his question, it's just so wrong. It sounds rude to me though I don't know if those people felt it or not.

I want to help this friend but it seems like he doesn't want to be helped. So, I don't really know. So, I am going to just leave it like that and close the case. Let it be if he doesn't want to be helped.

Afraid for a moment

For a moment, I thought my laptop went dead on me. I couldn't check my email in the first place so I restart the laptop. Then, it becomes too slow. I restarted it several times but it was still the same. So, in the end, I gave up and shut down the laptop. After 3o minutes of studying, I decide to try it again. Luckily, this time, it works and here I am, blogging.