So much for that

Didn't realise everyone is still blogging at their old blog. Some people don't blog much now.

I saw a couple of my photos back in 2002. I didn't even change in terms of my face. I don't even look mature. It is no wonder my colleagues said if I never mention my age, they would have thought I am 12.

Yes, security guards at the bar have had to ask me for ID when they saw me walking around the bar. Hehe..

I really have to try to keep in touch with friends too. I haven't been the best at keeping in touch because I either forgot to reply people after leaving it for so many days or too lazy to browse through fb friends' list. Some of the friends I am not close to them, it would be awkward if I message them. Sigh.. all the ifs buts maybes. 

Oops

I forgot to blog about the other page of the draft I wrote on friendship. So here goes.

• Friends should support each other. This doesn't mean that Friend A should ditch Friend B for Friend C. I mean, if Friend C did not do anything to Friend A, why should Friend A ditch Friend C.
  
• Listen to friends. LISTEN. It is best to listen to positive feedback and ignore if it is negative feedback.
  
• Friendships are very important and they are always by your side. So we should appreciate them. What happens if you got no friends at all?

From what I have said so far, I know it is hard to fulfill them so we should always forgive our friends if they did something wrong or bad. Who is perfect anyway? You are not, I am not, your friends are not.

Comment

• sacrificial love

From 1 Samuel in the Bible, it is the friendship from Jonathan and David. Jonathan's dad tried to kill David and Jonathan was almost killed because he was protecting David from his father.
I was thinking, in this kind of world now, no one would do that kind of thing because it is not the norm. People would think you are crazy and start thinking if gay or lesbian. *shakes head* Such a world.
From my point of view, friendships nowadays are just friends hanging out and helping each other out. I bet there is no such thing as sacrificial love between friends. I mean, if I ask you to die for your friend or friends, would you want to do that?

On this, I still want to comment about what I wrote. A friend disagrees with what I said. Well, what I meant was that some people take their friend for granted, which is why I said friendships nowadays are just friends hanging out and helping each other. You can never know if this friend is truly your friend. What happens when he or she turns out to be different, as in not whom you used to know.

On friendship

I am going to summarize what I hear and learnt from friendship from church camp and reading relationship book on friendship. First of all, there is this model of friendship list from a book called The Relationship Revolution by Nigel D. Polluck.

• mutual commitment

I think this is common. Friends do commit to each other.

• sacrificial love

From 1 Samuel in the Bible, it is the friendship from Jonathan and David. Jonathan's dad tried to kill David and Jonathan was almost killed because he was protecting David from his father.
I was thinking, in this kind of world now, no one would do that kind of thing because it is not the norm. People would think you are crazy and start thinking if gay or lesbian. *shakes head* Such a world.
From my point of view, friendships nowadays are just friends hanging out and helping each other out. I bet there is no such thing as sacrificial love between friends. I mean, if I ask you to die for your friend or friends, would you want to do that?

• openness and honesty

Honesty is a hallmark of real friendship. Friends do not pretend about themselves or others do not desire or need to cover up their struggles or failings. -Nigel D. Polluck-
You do have to be open and honest to your friends. If you are not sure if you can trust the friends you are with, don't open too much. But be honest because they won't like you and you can lose their trust in you if you happen to lie or do something bad to them or even one of them.

• service

Service? What do you mean by that? Well, I think it is more like you do things for your friends. I do believe that. Now compare with what you usually do for your siblings or parents. I think it is similar.
There are ways to show your love for your family and friends. You help them out on things, eg buying things for them or just helping out on chores. Anyway, my point is that if you yell at your siblings or parents or disobey them, that doesn't mean you don't love your family or siblings. =)

• God - centreness
• interdependence

Friendship is not about making people dependent upon us or about us becoming dependent on other people.
True friendship can only develop and grow when we work together, trust each other, help each other and rely on each other.
With true friends pointing out your weakness or something bad, I don't think you should keep it at heart and decide that he or she is not a good friend. Instead, you should look at yourself first and try to undo your weakness. Yes, you are not perfect and your friends are not perfect but it would help to study yourself first before start blaming on friends. Not all friends give good advice but some particularly do. Some friends are there to listen to you and give you a long big hug when you are down.
I do admit that I don't like my friends to see me crying if there is anything so I tend to go away or be quiet if I see my friends crying. So don't take it to heart, thinking that your friends desert you when you need someone to talk while you're crying.

• willing to let go

Friendship is so important and sometimes there are things that we need to let go in order to let the friendship to last. 1 Samuel 20:42 shows that.

Am I being too straight-forward? Hmm.. this is just my point of view. I will let you have your opinions, I won't judge or be defensive. I am beginning to refer to Bible verses a lot. =)

This is from church camp talks and I summarized it up. Some may be the same from what I said above.

• Friends do point out your mistakes or your differences. But how do you feel from it? Embarrassed or anger? If embarrassed, would you rather strangers telling you those or your friends? If anger, study yourself first before you start blaming your friends. Humans aren't perfect so your friends are there to tell you your differences. Again, would you rather strangers telling you?

I think I prefer my friends to tell me. I rather them laughing at me than strangers or friends whom I don't normally talk to.

• Friends don't just give advices or comfort you, they go through each step with you. They are there to guide you so don't keep them away. Remember that some friends deal with their problems better than you.
  

Careful

Have been watching crimes investigation programmes at night this week. Though it is scary but you learn something from it. Some programmes are called Snapped: Why Women Killed, Forensic Detectives, Crimes and Punishment, FBI Files, etc. It's interesting to see how they solved the crimes. Sometimes it wasn't solved. One particular crime that I watched last night was about a student being murdered in her own flat/apartment. Just scared at the thought of being home alone. I think the crime scene was around the student campus accommodation. I think the security at university accommodation nowadays should be quite tight. Oh, I did not mention that the particular crime was in 1983. I recalled an rape incident in my university, Canterbury University in 2006 winter. It was just a day before the university holidays started. That night, one of my close friend was walking towards the flat of another close friend along the uni path. She made sure she was walking along bright light areas so we weren't that worried. She also told us that she saw someone walking in the dark in the gym field area. Then, the next day, we heard on the news that there was a rape incident. My friend was so terrified, it could have been her if she did decided to walk in that dark area. After that, my friends and I made sure that all of us walked her back home together at night. It's scary at the thought of near rape incident of my friend.

Anyway, I was talking about university accommodation security. It think it's quite good at the place I stayed in 2007. There were lights everywhere and there are resident assistants walking around at night. And if I were to walk to uni or anywhere at night, I am sure that any of my friends would accompany me so there wasn't a need to be scared. Hehe.. :P But to all student, just be careful wherever you go. Always take a friend if you think someone is stalking you.

Trip

Yup, I was on hiatus. I went on a kayak trip with my friends. It was really fun and interesting and very adventurous. I am glad I went on the trip. I mean, do I even get a chance to kayak if I don't agree to go on this trip. This trip also bonds our friendship even more. I got to know them more as well. Though it is scary to kayak in the sea but the sceneries and views are so nice, so incredible. We went to one of the beaches which is one of the top 5 beaches in New Zealand. My friend asked me if I wanted to go again. I don't really know how to answer. One thing that I don't really want to go is that I was seasick. I couldn't believe that I could get seasick.

Sien-ness

Just finished another exam today. I think this was ok, considering that I know most of the answers. But what I am worried is that I may get marks taken off just because of a small mistake of writing something. It's like that with my assignments as well.

I also wanted to say something. I think sometimes people take for granted that I don't get angry with them or get annoyed with them straight to the face if they said something insulting. I don't mind if it's just a small thing but I think this is why people just continue insulting cos they think that I won't mind so much. But they are so wrong. Maybe I should try to show some emotions.

I find myself stop smiling to friends nowadays. I used to smile at them and try to make conversation every time I see them. Now, I am lazy to open my mouth. Because no one will say anything whenever I say something. I can't be bothered to make any effort since some people don't make an effort for themselves. But won't this make me selfish? Sigh.. whatever I do is wrong and whatever other people do is right. Why can't they be wrong for once, it is always me.

Me me me

That is my title of my blog. Yea, it's always me. Wrong of this and wrong of that. I am stupid. I am lazy. I am selfish. Whatever I do is not right. Whatever comes out from my mouth are stupid. When will I do something right? I am such a useless person to live on Earth.

Someone remembers me

Guess what? Someone messaged me in facebook saying that she knows me and asked me if I remember her from primary school. I asked her what class was she in and she messaged back that she was in the yellow class. I was in the green class so her name doesn’t ring any bell in my head. I really cannot remember her. Maybe she knows my cousin and that was why she remembers me.

Friendship

I seriously don't really know what is going on with friendships these days. When you're having so much fun, you made promises to each other that you should always try to hang out together if you're so busy. But now, I see. Where? I do not see any.

I seriously don't really know if I should say this or not. But I feel that things does changes a lot this year. I can say that my flatmate and I don't really hang out a lot with friends whom we used to hang out last year. Sigh.. it's such a pity because we did have fun together. I always enjoyed being with my friends especially that I can be a bit childish with these friends.

Now, I think we went separate ways. But it shouldn't be that stupid course changes and other stupid stuff. Where is that friendship forever promise?

One thing I wanted to say, why do I find that when a friend is angry with me and told me the truth and I can accept that. When it comes to me being angry with them, they cannot accept it and choose to ignore me. What kind of friend is this you tell me?

Back to my story, I have tried, tried and tried to make an effort to hang out with them and it's always, sorry, I can't make it. I know it's not always possible to hang out. But.... tell me.

So, is it wrong for me to go look for other new friends and to hang out with them?

Really, I am confused with these stuff. It's complicated and I do not think there are any solutions to these. Sigh.. sometimes I just feel like giving up. No comments please.

Hard

I think it is really hard to keep friendship with someone who hardly makes an effort to meet up for catching up. What if you have a very close good friend who you and your friend used to spend a lot of time with, suddenly now seems so far. And also don't really catch up with you and your girlfriends. How would you feel? You would feel guilty and try to catch up with her, right? What if the friend don't make an effort and don't really care? How would you feel? What would you suggest if you got solution for that?

I wanted to say something else as well. I cleaned the kitchen today. Now, it's very clean and I am hoping that it stays clean till end of next week. Stupid flatmates of mine. No one make a move to buy dishwashing liquid. Why the kitchen is so dirty. I think the boys expect us girls to clean it. Well, what I can say here is, we are not your maids. Clean the kitchen yourself. Clean up your own plates and stop using our pans and bowls. My poor bowls. Being used by stranger.

I am hungry

I think I am starting to get sick of asking friends for rides to and back from work. Maybe I should ask different friends instead of asking the same person. And the friend who normally send and pick me up, I think she is feeling annoyed that I always ask her. I can feel the annoyance. Talk about being weird but I can feel people's feelings. I feel that I am desperate to have a car now to drive to work. But I don't want to quit working just because of this. It's a lame excuse and the other staff will be telling me that it is ok and they can send me home. Well, that is one of the reason. I don't want to ask them because they normally stay back later and I don't want. I want to come back, shower and jump into my cosy bed.

I have no mood because of this as well. One thing also is I feel that this friend is annoyed that I don't spend anymore time with her. Well, it's not my fault that you don't ask earlier or book the time. I usually let the first person who ask me to either join them or go with them somewhere. Let me explain again in case you think I explain weirdly. It means that I usually say yes to the first person who 'book' me to do something. If I don't have anything to do on a particular time and a friend, last minute, ask me to do something, I would say yes. Why not.
Sigh.. Now, I realise there is so much to give in a friendship relationship.

Realise

I just realise that I do not know a lot of Chinese Malaysian who is not a scholar and in my batch year. So sad.

What is a drama queen?

I never imagine that I would have a friendship problem with a friend. I mean, I read a lot of these kind of cases in magazines and thought I was so lucky not to experience any of these. But look at now. I think it's just different friends that you have. What is a drama queen? Can someone please explain to me? I don't know how to describe this friend but I think she is a drama queen. She acts like one for sure. And I don't really know what to say. I am ignoring her behaviour and act as if there's nothing. She is not making an effort to spend time with her friends. I have nothing to say about that. I don't really care, this is for sure. I mean, if we are really disconnected and if she is in trouble for anything and her boyfriend is not around, it's her fault for abandoning her friends away.