I feel like yelling it out

I am not sure how to cheer myself. I felt really down when I came back from Stats class yesterday. This reminds me of what Lily, a friend from church camp talked about. She mentioned in her talk

• she is not smart
• have always struggle with her studies
• pushed herself to work hard and to study Master because she was worried that she could not get a job with her degree in Biochemistry
• Biochemistry studies are general so it is harder to get a job anywhere (I can only remember vaguely what she said because it was more than a week ago)

I thought about myself as well. In my first year, I was really ambitious. I decided to study engineering in the hope that I can graduate as an engineer and prove that I am also smart like my sisters and cousins. Not even halfway through the course, I was already thinking, 'can I really pass all these courses? I am really struggling.' I was also constantly complaining to my parents and they finally confronted me and asked me to change, they don't want me to stress too much.

I was alright with the courses I chose for the following year. When the following year came, I was also struggling hard with studying Maths papers. I know there aren't easy courses in any subject so I tried harder. I didn't want to give up just yet considering what I did the year before. That year, I took Geology papers to see how I did and thought Geology is pretty good subject to study in. Yea, I found it ok so I continued the year after that. I also continued with Statistics as I enjoy it. I always have help from my coursemates/friends. I didn't continue studying Maths because it was too hard for me to handle. I don't want to change my mind every year because I don't think I can afford to, it's wasting money as well. I feel guilty for doing that in the past 2 years. I am already in my third year for Statistics and I really think I should finish it off. (I think I am just releasing stress in this way so don't mind that sentence.)

Anyway, back to feeling down about yesterday Stats class. Lecturer decided to give each individuals chances to answer questions and the most correct will get 5 marks at the end of the course. I know I won't be able to get it. But what I am disappointed was that I got the easy question wrong. How stupid, I was just thinking, can I really complete the course with stupid answers like that? Sigh.. meaning that I would have to work extra hard and be prepared to give CORRECT answers when lecturer ask questions.

Relating back to what Lily talked about herself. I realized that I have similar things to what she said,

• I am not smart
• I always have struggles with studies till now
  
• I pushed myself to do double major in Geology and Statistics because it would benefit me in future careers
  

Honestly, I am still really disappointed with my grades from last year. Why can't I do better? Why does everyone else do better than me? Sometimes, I feel like giving up studying. There's one question I keep asking myself since I started uni. Why can't I study engineering like the rest of my friends? I know not everyone can study engineering but the question kept on lingering in my mind till now.

It is really tiring, I tell you

I put up photos of the views that I took during my field trip. The place is really nice and peaceful. People who like to have peaceful time should really come here. I mean, I can hear birds singing in the morning and also the trees howling at night. Absolutely no sound or noise that you hear in the city. Hehe..

Taken when I was walking uphill. Do you know how hard it is for me to walk uphill? I guess people won't know unless they are me. All the students walked as if they were walking on a flat road. I was one of the few people who shows that she or he is unfit and we were definitely walking up the hill. Sigh.. I am so unfit. Maybe I should go to gym more often. After the five day hiking, I think I may have lost few kgs. Hmm...

Job or study?

Just the other day, my friend was talking to me about getting a job. We both agreed that we don’t want to take a permanent job or casual job because it might lead to keep up with the job and it might become permanent job. We decided to take one off job which is on at one time.

I guess when it comes to doing some odd jobs, you can’t be too choosy. Because if you are choosy, then there would be any jobs left for you. I tried not to be but if I do work, I scared that I might not be able to catch up with work. I am scared that I might be left behind. Well, I guess I will just focus on study and clubs.

So, there is the student job search in university where young freshers can go to look for fresher jobs. I am sure there are a lot of websites that students can look as well. Don’t forget that there student job search also has a website.

freshers jobs

Hiatus

I noticed that I post less this month. Well, not my fault for being away for so long. But yea, I will be posting more the next month. I am going to post lots for the other blog on mylifemydaymyemotions.com. I mean for what I have been doing for my field trips and church camps. It's really fun to be away, away from computers and study work as well.

Holidays

I am sure everyone do want to go on holidays at times, am I not right? When you go on holidays, you do want to make sure that you have all the things ready, for example the car and the accommodation.

So how about the famous vacation place, hot humid beach place? It is Hawaii Island. I am so excited to go now.

This reminds me, I also want to suggest to my friends that we should go on holidays together before the summer starts. I thought spending holidays with friends is fun. I did when I went on the kayak trip with my friends last summer. I am not sure what my friends thought but I think from what they were talking, they don’t really like it. Maybe it was something to do with something. I don’t really want to say it but I say, choose the right friends to go with. Otherwise you would end up fighting over small matters.

So, should we make Hawaii our next destination? If yes, we should start checking out Hawaii vacation info. Next is the Big Island vacation rentals or the Maui vacation rentals as we need to go around the place in our own vehicle.

Hiatus for so long

After a long hiatus from internet, I am finally back on blogging. I was just away on field trip and a church camp. It was actually great to be away. I have no worries on other things other than getting informations and putting on maps for the field trip. As for church camp, I don't have to think about anything other than enjoying myself. But there comes the catching up stuff after being gone for so long. The laundry, the food gone bad in the fridge and updates from friends.

I did learnt quite a bit from the church camp. This time, it was about family, friends and future/careers. The talks were interesting except for the fact that the speaker was talking in Mandarin and I could only understand 60% and had to guess or ask friends of the 40%. Yea, I know my Mandarin is not good. I don't go to Chinese school back at home. But I am proud to be educated in English for three years in high school NZ. Meaning that if I was still studying in Malaysia, my spoken English and written English wouldn't be as good as today.

Not much

I felt I haven't been blogging much when I had a look at the dates of all the posts. Well, I do have a lot of things this month. I finished 4 days of conference last week, had a rest and started packing for upcoming field trip and another church camp.

At the moment, the main blog I have been updating since beginning of this month is down so I am thinking of updating in the old blog. But the photoshop refused to open and I don't really want to upload my photos without putting site link. Sigh..

Younger days

I bet everyone has a dream at some stage and will probably plan a house of their own. Say me, I know I did when I was 11 years old. I know I was young and probably don't have any say in that. However, I did not stop from digging out house plans books or magazines which I found lying around the shelves in the study room or outside my bedroom. I think I probably read every single page of the magazines or books. I think at that time, I wanted to become an architect. I wonder why I did not decide to study that subject when I first started university.

I guess now I can look more at the house plans or the log house plans online rather than on the books or magazines. Internet wasn't very popular during my younger days so I guess I relied on books or magazines a lot. And I think some books don't have a lot of information on what styles or what kind of house you like. But I guess I was too young to know that much information. Now that I am much older, I think I should really know more about this. =)

Learnt

The first week of holidays really made me relax a lot. Besides the conference I went to, when I lie in bed at night, I thought about what I learnt. I shall list out what I learnt. I may not remember now but I will add in the list from time to time.

• You don't have to marry just to follow the traditions or because everyone is doing so. From the Bible, God says that if you meet somebody, it is not wrong for you to get married. However, he said that it is better to stay single. That way, you can focus on seeking God's Kingdom 100%.
  
• You learn to love from God. He shows His love through the Bible. Read Gen 1.

p/s : I went to Castle Hill yesterday. It was really fun and I will upload photos if I do get them before Wednesday. I will be going for a field trip and a church camp after that so I will be on hiatus after that. =)

Distractions for me

Lately, there are nothing to watch, as in series. I think I am also picky in picking what series I like to watch. But this one, Who is Scarlet? sounds really interesting. At least I have something to watch since now, it is quite hard for me to get the series, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and Heroes. I have to get them through friends and I normally have to arrange timings with friends to get them off from friends. Hmm.. so at least the series, Who is Scarlet? can fill in my boredom.

Conference

After four days I have been away, I got so many things to catch up on. I went to this conference camp which is like 50 minutes drive away from Christchurch. This conference theme was called Love, Sex and Marriages. Boy, do I learnt a lot from the conference.

It was a full on talks, seminars and workshops on the theme. I was so mentally tired by the third day morning and that time, I had almost a day and half things to go through. I am glad that I did went to this conference. It opens up my eyes about marriages.

I definitely wrote down a lot of notes which I will put up as soon as I am finished with drafting it up. Of course, there were time gaps for us for free time/activities. First day, my friends and I walked down to the river streams. Second and third day were spent on discussion on what we learnt.

Oh, there weren't phone reception there.

Admiring

Last time, I blogged about how I really admire people studying and handling their extra curricular activities. Now I am here to say I really really admire people who study, extra curricular activities and going to gym. Hmm.. they must know how to divide their timing. I think I should sleep less and study during that time. But some people don’t study a lot and they still manage to get good grades. I am so jealous. This also means that I am not smart enough. Sigh, I know some people are smarter than others but I think it is so unfair. Sigh, what to do. I want to be smart, go gym and handle extra curricular activities too. I just need to be smart to divide my time.

You will be glad

It is the time of the year when people start doing some accounting on their own either for business or personal. This is when they found out that they have bad credit credit card or just running low on budget or anything. This is where badcredit comes in. They believe in giving second chance where as others don't so do take your chance with them. They can really help you out.

So much...

Lately, I have been busy but now I think I just blogged a bit about what has happened during the last few days. I think it was about two weeks ago, I checked out the calling cards rates. It is getting cheaper but I don’t know if it is definitely going cheap or not as things here has increase a lot in price. I love eating Cadbury ice cream and it used to cost around nzd6. Now it is about NZD7.15. Just see at the price increases.

Oh ya, I bought a textbook from online shop, thenile.co.nz, it is not that bad. Oh, I didn’t use credit card to buy if you must know. One of the payment methods was using paypal. It made my life easier. I thought about buying the textbook for two days. I guess it would be easier for me to refer or just read the notes when I am out in the field. How did I know this online bookshop? Well, I saw from smilecity. Seriously, if you are NZ resident, you should sign up for smilecity. It has rewards points which never expire and you can cash out the money. Of course you would need to verify yourself otherwise they won’t give you the money easily.