Getting annoyed

Sharing house or say living room, dining room and the kitchen really is troublesome. The counter place is so messy and left with crumbs around, not cleaned. The sink is left very dirty. I had to clean the sink and put all the plates, pots/pans and the cutleries back into the drawers every morning. I am starting to get annoyed by this.

Another one is a flatmate of mine broke one of my transparent cup. I was shouting to my flatmate who was in the living room if she knew where the other transparent cup of mine has gone. Then, the flatmate confessed that he broke it. Well, at least I know where it is now. I am still annoyed though. Of all the cups around, he went on and use mine. Sigh.. I guess that is for sharing a house with other people. I can't wait to move out and move into my own place with my flatmate.

I feel like yelling it out

I am not sure how to cheer myself. I felt really down when I came back from Stats class yesterday. This reminds me of what Lily, a friend from church camp talked about. She mentioned in her talk

• she is not smart
• have always struggle with her studies
• pushed herself to work hard and to study Master because she was worried that she could not get a job with her degree in Biochemistry
• Biochemistry studies are general so it is harder to get a job anywhere (I can only remember vaguely what she said because it was more than a week ago)

I thought about myself as well. In my first year, I was really ambitious. I decided to study engineering in the hope that I can graduate as an engineer and prove that I am also smart like my sisters and cousins. Not even halfway through the course, I was already thinking, 'can I really pass all these courses? I am really struggling.' I was also constantly complaining to my parents and they finally confronted me and asked me to change, they don't want me to stress too much.

I was alright with the courses I chose for the following year. When the following year came, I was also struggling hard with studying Maths papers. I know there aren't easy courses in any subject so I tried harder. I didn't want to give up just yet considering what I did the year before. That year, I took Geology papers to see how I did and thought Geology is pretty good subject to study in. Yea, I found it ok so I continued the year after that. I also continued with Statistics as I enjoy it. I always have help from my coursemates/friends. I didn't continue studying Maths because it was too hard for me to handle. I don't want to change my mind every year because I don't think I can afford to, it's wasting money as well. I feel guilty for doing that in the past 2 years. I am already in my third year for Statistics and I really think I should finish it off. (I think I am just releasing stress in this way so don't mind that sentence.)

Anyway, back to feeling down about yesterday Stats class. Lecturer decided to give each individuals chances to answer questions and the most correct will get 5 marks at the end of the course. I know I won't be able to get it. But what I am disappointed was that I got the easy question wrong. How stupid, I was just thinking, can I really complete the course with stupid answers like that? Sigh.. meaning that I would have to work extra hard and be prepared to give CORRECT answers when lecturer ask questions.

Relating back to what Lily talked about herself. I realized that I have similar things to what she said,

• I am not smart
• I always have struggles with studies till now
  
• I pushed myself to do double major in Geology and Statistics because it would benefit me in future careers
  

Honestly, I am still really disappointed with my grades from last year. Why can't I do better? Why does everyone else do better than me? Sometimes, I feel like giving up studying. There's one question I keep asking myself since I started uni. Why can't I study engineering like the rest of my friends? I know not everyone can study engineering but the question kept on lingering in my mind till now.

It is really tiring, I tell you

I put up photos of the views that I took during my field trip. The place is really nice and peaceful. People who like to have peaceful time should really come here. I mean, I can hear birds singing in the morning and also the trees howling at night. Absolutely no sound or noise that you hear in the city. Hehe..

Taken when I was walking uphill. Do you know how hard it is for me to walk uphill? I guess people won't know unless they are me. All the students walked as if they were walking on a flat road. I was one of the few people who shows that she or he is unfit and we were definitely walking up the hill. Sigh.. I am so unfit. Maybe I should go to gym more often. After the five day hiking, I think I may have lost few kgs. Hmm...

So sad..

Last year, my flatmate and I used to join this economics experiment to earn a considerable amount of money. This year, we are still planning to do the same but I can see no experiments on my screen. Where has all the experiment gone? I miss doing those and getting the money. Sigh..

Some more

I forgot to say something in my first post when I came back to NZ. Everything here increases in price. You name it, petrol, groceries, takeaway food, etc. Basically everything. So my flatmate and I decide to budget more and eat at home, cannot go out eat anymore.

Stupid rants

This is the starting of my complaints for the year. I think my readers would get sick of my complaints but what am I supposed to do? This blog is like my place to let out feelings.

I just don’t know what to say after coming back from one of my lab. I had a bad time in lab and coming back to paying electricity problem isn’t enough to make my day worse. Well, it is not really a big problem but the landlord keeps on insisting that we, the tenants to open a bank account so everyone will pay their electricity. I mean, why can’t you take the bill and come collect money from us. Ok, so he mentioned that he doesn’t want to intrude our student life but it is his job to collect the payment from us. It’s not like it is every week, is it? Sigh, this is just one of my many complaints starting this year. Next time, I don’t want to flat with strangers. I think I would prefer to rent a house and deal with my flatmates (friends). It is a small problem and he makes it into a big problem.

Rants

Sigh, I am losing my mood each day. I am supposed to be excited because my birthday is coming and two friends are coming to London. I was excited to be going back to New Zealand for the start of the year. Actually I am a bit sad to leave the comfort of home. But at least I have a purpose to continue life. My studies.

Well, at least I haven’t lost my mood over blogging.

Reason for the loss of mood: my flatmate and I decided to move out after our homestay family bought a house which I assume to be far from university. They wanted to introduce some other homestay but we would be separated. So we decided to move out on our own.

My rants: I wouldn’t like to consider as homestay because we are big enough to look after ourselves. We only want to move into the place because there are two rooms and they include food in our rent. They set up rules for us as well. So that is considered as homestay. One more thing, I did not know anything until my flatmate told me. How come the homestay family never emailed me?

My wrong-doings: Maybe I did decide too quickly and did not even ask for more opinions. I should have been more careful and I do admit I am wrong there. Sorry for the problems caused but I should be allowed to let out my feelings here in the blog where I did say once that it is my place for ranting.

Decision: We decide to re-apply to go back to Ilam Village for our rooms last year. I have a feeling that we won’t be able to get our room type back. However, there are more rooms available in the brand new apartments. I don’t really like the new apartments because it is not central heating and there is no washing machine in the apartment. But what to do? It was really a last minute decision. Besides this, we also look out for rooms available outside. I have emailed them. The only thing to do now is waiting for reply and later setting appointment to see the rooms.

Don’t you think my font looks nice? Hehe..

Blah

Church. Two years ago, after I moved out from home and went to university, I hate to think that I have to go to church by myself. But I manage to find out where several churches are and went to the nearest church. I went to the chapel just at my uni catered hostel accommodation. A month before I was due to go back home for holidays, I decided to go to another church with a friend. At least I have accompany and I don't hate to go alone.

The following year after I came back as a second year student, I went to the church with the friend. Sometimes she did not go, so it's alright. I don't mind as long as there are someone to accompany me. I met more friends that year and went with another friend. Sometimes there are other friends to accompany me. But I realised that sometimes I do enjoy going to church alone. I mean, I don't have to make small talk with them and can just remain silent the whole time. Anyway, it still is nice if you have accompany. I think it also depends on who your accompany are. Some friends, they are late to church which I hate to go in church late, there weren't any seats so we had to stand up at times and I don't want to be the attention or people stared at you when you go in late. I know the feeling because I am the one who stare at people who comes in late. It is definitely not a good feeling.

So, the best thing is go to church by yourself? Maybe I can go with friends if I don't feel like going by myself. But it is not everytime someone will come to my rescue and I don't like the thought of using people just for this. I mean, I go to church not just to have accompany, I am supposed to be there to worship God. Yea, I think the best thing is just go alone. Sigh, nevermind. I will have the spirit with me as the accompany.

Ambitious

I was sewing just now and this got me thinking. I recalled what my dad telling me that I should try pursuing a tailoring. I laughed immediately but I could see that my dad was a bit serious. So, I told him that I have no intention to pursue tailoring. I may be ok at fixing bad zips or just sew up long pants or long sleeve but I don't think I will be that creative to create designs for clothes.

Also, I don't think I can see myself in the future with this kind of job. Actually, I also have an ambition of pursuing something in science. Well, I really don't want to explain long in saying about my ambition or my ambitious feel. Just wanted to say something out anyway. :)

One of the many nightmares

I had a dream that I dropped my phone into a river from the air. I think I was in some kind of a plane but without cover. When the plane swerved to the left, my phone and a camera dropped. I caught the camera but dropped my phone. I think I was yelling to get my phone back. My precious phone. I woke up looking for my phone. Luckily it was still there.

Then I went back to sleep and dream that I was vacuuming some kind of place. Looked like a museum with lots of ancient pieces around. I couldn't find the socket where I can plug in. My sister came from behind and yelled that the place was surrounded by some people. Both of us rushed to close the door but too late, they came from the side door. Both of us lie flat on the stairs nearby th door, hoping that they won't notice us. Just when I looked up, one of them took out a gun and fired. I woke up immediately and couldn't sleep after that.

Oh man, what a dream. Or should I call them nightmares? Though they are not like some kind of devils or monsters. Still a nightmare to me.

Reminds me of the other morning, I woke up early in the morning due to the creaks of the floor. Noisy creaks on the floor woke me up. I was told that my dad was walking around, tidying up his room. Sometimes at night before I fall asleep, I hear the water pipe sounds too. Do I hear too much? It really does wake me up in the middle of the night. Sigh.

Oh, once my sister woke me up by slapping her hand on my face. How convenient sleeping beside her.

Stupid rants

Last night, I was bored till I decide to browse around looking at blogs. I landed in post-buzz and found the blog quite interesting. I like to know people's opinions on earning money online and also those who has done some sponsored posts from payperpost, sponsored reviews, etc. Anyway, I browse around and found out that the blogger is also from Malaysia.

There's quite a lot of bloggers from Malaysia. Not bad, I mean most of the advertisers from paid blogging sites are from United States and I would assume most of the bloggers out there are from there. But really, I don't think I know where most of the bloggers are from. I think the reason I know more Malaysian bloggers is because I am a Malaysian. My blog life probably revolves around my Malaysian friends. Well, most of my Malaysian friends has a blog. Not all my New Zealander friends has a blog. Maybe they did not tell me. Sigh..

Anyway, I used to praise Payperpost of the opportunities they gave me. Apparently, google lowered bloggers' rank and I am one of them, causing me to have less opportunities. Sigh.
But I shouldn't make sponsored posts my main reason to blog. I started this blog because I love to blog about what I did. Actually, this blog of mine wasn't meant to have sponsored posts. I wanted to release my anger in this blog. But I guess things change and in the end, I decided to try giving sponsored posts a try and I decided that I shouldn't post my anger here. I think a few of my friends read this blog. I think one friend read a post which was about her. Well, I don't regret posting it. I really wanted her to know I think of her. I just didn't have the guts to tell her face to face. Now, I don't really know if anyone is reading this blog or not. Not that I care. I got no comments from anyone. I used to have comments from friends but I ignored it. I didn't feel like replying to their comments because I don't want them to pity me. I just wanted to release my anger. Now, I think I won't put up blog posts like that.

Right, I think I should stop, I have written too much. Only when I have something to say and not ran out of ideas to blog.

Problem

Something is wrong with adverlets. I think it started yesterday when a friend of mine cannot open my blog properly. Said that my page got diverted away. Then, today my sister told me the same thing happen to her when she opened everyone's page including mine. I took the adverlets off my blog and so far, it is ok. Don't know what is wrong with adverlets. Someone please tell them.

New Year

I am sitting here, trying to crack my head on what to blog about. Maybe I can talk about what I did during new year. My family and I had new year dinner. It was steamboat.

Nice food eh. This just gives me a thought. I am getting wider. Meaning, I am getting fatter. I weighed myself the other day and I am 5 kilograms more than I was before. Oh no, did I really eat that much since I came home? Wow, that proves I can really eat a lot.

I should really get exercising. My sister told me one of her resolution is to play basketball. It seem a bit ridiculous as she is scared of balls. But really, it is really a good sports considering the pros of getting thinner, fitter and taller. Hm.. I don't think I can get any taller even with exercising. Maybe I should also include this in my resolutions.

I know. I should make walking more as one of my resolutions. I can walk to uni everyday instead of taking the bus. That way, I can slim down. I know people would tell me that I am slim enough. But I can't see that in myself. Every time I look at myself in photos, I just look so fat. Well, that is, it's my face that is fat. Sigh.. no use complaining. Ok, get to exercise. I told myself to do some sit ups during holidays but so far, I haven't done any. Look how lazy am I. Somebody help me.

Sad

Last month, I talked about paid online blogging. How wonderful it is of making money. I think it was jinxed because now I don't get to do a lot of sponsored posts. My cousins told me it's also because google decide to drop blogger's real rank to 0. Sigh.. that makes my cousin boring-er because I don't blog as often. Makes me feel down when blogging. Hmm.. what to do. Don't give up, I will still continue to blog. After all, my real purpose of having this blog is to blog what I want and what I like.

A new year has come. Hmm.. I wonder what this year is going to give me. I hope it's full of faith and hope. Just like ofhopeandlove blog. That blog has wonderful posts which I have always read. It's also full of hope and love hence the name.

Resolution

I haven't been really keeping this blog in touch with myself lately. I just manage to put some writings and gone off to spend time with families, relatives and friend. I also have been meaning to put in new year resolution and talking about what has happened to me this year.

Really though, I do enjoy this year very much even though I do get into trouble myself. I think I did change a bit. And I thought I did not change. I learnt from friends not to see the world as small and not to make small matters into big matters. I know I learnt quite a few and I am trying to follow whatever advice was given to me. Really, it is so hard trying to follow those advice.

Anyway, I have to decide at least one new year resolution. Maybe I decide that I have to be more talkative whenever I attend some events. Meaning, more sociable. I have to remember not to repeat any mistakes too. Results are not supposed to be one of my new year resolution because it is a must.

Messy

What a mix-up. Just now we logged on internet to check on hotels to stay in for our trip to Paris, we found out that there is no shuttle from the motel to Disneyland. Stupid, then we had to look for buses service route and couldn't it too. Later, we tried looking for the phone numbers so we can contact them, also couldn't find it. What a poor service. We were planning to stay in Disney's Davy Crockett Ranch. From the sound of the name, I just have a feeling that it's not a good place to stay in. Well, let's just see how it is. So hopefully things are going to be ok.

Stupid

I feel like I cannot express my feelings here now. Maybe some feelings are just meant to be kept. But why have a blog when I cannot even blog about it. I don't express my feelings verbally, I write it down somewhere. Here. Now, I cannot even do that anymore. What a shame. Most of the time, I don't even know what to blog about. Sigh....

Blah

All these paid blogging activities are making me excited but lately I don't get any at all. Is it because of the rank being lowered by google? I have been reading other people's blog and some say that it is because of that. But some say it doesn't affect anything.

Maybe I should engage myself in other activities so I won't be so bored. The reason I want to do paid blogging is so that I won't be bored and I have something very useful to do. At least it's not like I am sitting here wasting money away.

Updates

Did I mention that I think I will probably talk about my travel here? I think I should cos I am running out of things to say. I usually always blog about where I went and how much fun I had. I love blogging about where I went cos I was excited about the place I went to. And I think I went to quite few places too. Anyway, I will go look through my folders and look for good photo to put it up here.

Another thing I wanted to say, I found out that my blog has really low rank in Technorati. I had a chat with my cousin and she said it's mainly about people linking you. I guess I don't have a lot of friends who blogs and link me. Sigh, well it probably is good at some point because you probably don't want people to find out about your blog easily. It would be scary not to know who reads your blog.

Satisfaction

I was talking about paid blogging a few posts earlier. It pays me quite well though it was only a little. It is enough for my pocket money. I think I am only a beginner blogger. And I wouldn't consider myself a part-time blogger. I blog just for fun and just for my satisfaction. I blogged so that my relatives and family or friends can see just how I am coping with studies and life away from home.

I was also thinking, since taking up sponsored posts from few paid blogging, I should probably make my blog better by having good posts, not angry posts. But it doesn't matter if I express my feelings here, right? I promise to use appropriate words. Maybe I can talk about my travel as well. I don't think I would put photos here. I don't really think putting photos of myself in blog is that exciting.